Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Guido Boondoggli Code

JS1563112  Mrs.Boondoggle. Film Star, Supermodel, Jet-setter, Bon Vivant.

Mr. R. Siffredi. Mr. R. Seffredi  Owner of the farmhouse where the Guido Boondoggli papers were discovered.

Father Cripin. The remarkable Father Cripin is an "MD". He decided follow the service of the Lord, and eventually became responsible for modernising the world renowned Vatican Archive. This will allow the archive to be utilised by more people with great ease, from all over the world via the Internet. (taken before he became a man of the (cloth).

Guido Boondoggli, amateur scientist,astronomer,cartogropher. Guido Boondoggli, amateur scientist,astronomer,cartogropher.Before the Inquisition interviewed him.

Guido Boondoggli one week later after being interviewed by the Inquisition. Guido Boondoggli one week later after being interviewed by the Inquisition.

Foucault's Pendulum,used centuries before by G. Boondoggli. Foucault's Pendulum,used centuries before by G. Boondoggli

My uncle Father Sean O'Boondoggle emailed this to me, it was in a Smithsonian Magazine he subscribes to. In 2001 although in the shadow of the Y2K panic and the Dot Com bubble, historians worldwide were buzzing about the documents found in a very old farm house near Maranello Italy. During repairs, workmen found a cashe of seemingly ancient writing, and informed the homeowner, one Mr. Seffredi, an employee of the famous Ferrari motor company. As a patron of all things Italian, their in house historian contacted people he knew in the field who descended on Seffredi's old farmhouse to see if the documents actually were of any value. A cursory glance was all that was needed to for the Ferrari Foundation to make a grant to finance the moving of what the scholars described as "a treasure trove" to the Ferrari facilities, close by. There to be stored in a climate controlled room for perusal by the document experts. 

   The documents were xrayed and subjected to photography using the usual array of light (ultra violet, different lasers etc) so as to not lose any information in case the ancient paper fell to pieces during the almost surgical opening of the same. Even as only part of the writings were opened, it became obvious that this was a treasure and seemed to indicate the amateur astronomer and cartographer had independantly come to the same conclusion as Galileo Galilie, except fifteen years earlier! The scholars speculated that these postulations had been hidden away because the writer was employed as a builder of towers and church steeples and thought his work would be regarded as heresy by the Inquisition. Much evidence showed that these were genuine documents and tiny samples were analysed for correct ink for that time period, correct paper, consistent handwriting etc. Then the search for the author became the link needed for credible publication in the journals such as Smithsonian etc. 
   Interest waned somewhat as time passed. The search for the name of the author of this work was important to give credability and to popularise this body of evidence so as to enable it to be accessed more. The area of Maranello had been bombed flat during WW II by the American Army Air Force when the Germans were allied with Italy. Subsequent application of more tons of bombs turned the rubble to dust, and completely ruined any chance of refering to the local church documents to ascertain the name of the prodigious scientist. Fortunately, the world was to get a clue from out of the clear blue sky which cleared up the matter, divulged more knowledge, and explains why I had any interest in the whole matter in the first place!....It was a young priest, an English priest , Father Cripin,who solved the mystery. As a newcomer to the use of computers to arrange files so as to be able to reference them easily, Father Cripin worked at the Vatican Archive.
    Father Cripin was attempting to arrange a system of referencing the many documents so that the scholars from all over the world could refer to the archives by computer, rather than having to come to Vatican City, and this would also reduce wear on the fragile documents and artifacts. He was reading an article in one of the publications he recieved at the Vatican. He said later,"I had a thought which was like when you drive down a street and glance at a sign, then later someone asks you if you know where so and so is, and you have this nagging feeling you've seen it, but can't quite remember where!" This was regarding a fellow who was a builder of towers in northern Italy who had been questioned by the Inquisition about some heresy he was alleged to have committed. Father Cripin: " I searched high and low. In my growing database, there was nothing! I searched every university database...nothing. Then I was practicing a coin trick and my coin fell on the floor....

   "The coin fell on the floor and rolled unde a pile of paintings stacked against the wall. Upon looking, I noticed a sort of tunnel, which allowed entry to a door, but impossible to see unless you knew about it! I opened the door which had obviously had been closed for many years. I could see why! Someone, or a few people had been using this hidden room to puff cigarettes and swig wine while they scrutinised various papers and artifacts. I claimed this room as an office of my own, and decided to catalogue the papers my predecessor had been working on! By extreme good luck, and some say the intercession of the Virgin Mary, there was the article regarding the about the find in the Siffredi Farm House wrapped around some ancient Inquisition documents, as if they were going to be shipped off for the purpose of research! A synopsis of what was contained therein was as follows: Guido Boondoggli, tower builder and amateur scientist has spoken of the Heresy which asserts the Earth's rotation!

   Father Cripin continued..." I soon was in touch with the Ferrari company and they took care of sending the team of people to check the Inquisition documents. The Inquisition had been slightly overzealous in trying to get Guido Boondoggli to say exactly what he had been postulating regarding the arangement of the Solar System. Boondoggli had been tied to the top inside one of his own towers. They attatched a ninety foot long cord to his genitals and as a final insult, swung the weight as far as they could to further torture him into spilling the beans on himself. He managed to keep quiet about the work he had stashed away in the farm house. But he did reveal something he had thought of in the magic of the moment while having his private parts stretched by a large stone at the end of a ninty foot cord. Boondoggli said "As I writhed in agony, I realised that the weight was stabilised by the pendulum motion. I saw the room rotating around the weight! Thus I knew the Earth did rotate!"

   Father Cripin..."The Inquisition document stated that Boondoggli's statement about the pendulum were the ravings of someone driven insane by excessive persuasion. They decided to allow him to live so long as he gave of his own free will, all his property, and lived as a beggar in a different town." Since no further information seemed available regarding Boondoggli, it is assumed that he did actually take the advice of the Inquisitors! His theories hidden in the wall, remained intact despite members of the clergy living in that house till Mr. R. Sifferdi purchased it. so the obvious conclusion by the scholars studdying the Farm House documents, and the Vatican archive documents were: That the handwriting was from the same hand. That Boondoggli had preceeded Galileo by fifteen years in independantly concluding that the Earth rotated around the Sun. That the use of a pendulum to prove rotation of the Earth was first used by Boondoggli hundreds of years before Foucault. 
      So you can see why my uncle Father Sean O'Boondoggle sent me the interesting information about my family. Whereas, before I thought the families greatest achievements were in the fields of robbery and debauchery, I now know it includes men of science too.

Mrs.Boondoggle Xmass Poem

                                                                                                                                    JS1563112

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Supermodel,Bon Vivant, Jetsetter, Foundry Owner

 

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In The Neighborhood

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The Foundry

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Interior

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  Vacuum Electric Induction Levitation Melting Furnace

Used To Keep From Stinking Up The Neighborhood 

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Christmas Poem 

“For we three kings ,

The angels did send.

On our camels we go round the bend

Westward leading ,my hemorrhoids bleeding,

A donut shaped cushion would be a Godsend.

 

I'm so hungry,

I'd eat a fly,

Our guide has bolted,

We're gonna die!

Because of our hunger,

These mushrooms we ate,

Are making us hallucinate

The End

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Momo At Fort Funston While We Were Hiding Out From The Inquisition  In Golden Gate Park

it was a windy day , his whiskers are all blown back

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Momo’s Foot Xray

he’s OK now

 

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Momos’ Three Toed Foot

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In The Snow In The Back Yard

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Mrs. Boondoggle’s Struggle With the 

Bishop of San Francisco

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This Was A Crummy Police Surveillance Photo We Got By Invoking The Freedom Of Information Lawsuit

(even though it’s me, if I wasn’t wearing my commander’s outfit, I’d have a hard time distinguishing between myself and that gorgeous babe in the background.)

I am in disguise as a Viking warrior and am leading the lesbians. Out of the photo is the Bishop who we were going to chuck into the bay for insulting the Gay and Lesbian Community. I will consult my archives at the  Foundry in order to relate the facts accurately.

 

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My Disguise As A Viking Warrior Fooled The Authorities

Here I Am Yelling At The Intruders To Produce A Writ Of Habeas Corpus

You may have noticed the geezer behind me is a bit on the mangled up side. (due to a slight mishap with a crucible of molten steel at the Foundry)

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The Charge Down Third Street Led By Me

“their right lay in their arms: To the brave belong all things.”

(Brennus around 400BC)

Notice how the police surveillance photographers  always do their best to show their victims in a bad light

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This Is The Bishop And One Of His Politician Buddies

I have lost my specs so I can’t see it that well to ID him.

 

 

The Horses At The Foundry

 

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Dobbin”

Mr. Boondoggle’s favorite chariot horse

 

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Dobbin”

he was on a diet

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Dobbin Modeled For This Artistic Rendering

Depicting “Albert” With “Toad” Astride Him

The Horse In “Wind In The Willows”

(We Don’t Like To Use The Word “Rendering”

Or The Word “Glue” Within Earshot Of The Horses)

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Mr.Boondoggle At The Re-enactment In The Coliseum In Rome

He’s Always A Big Crowd Pleaser

 

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Mr.Boondoggle Using A Car To Test His Speed In One Of The Chariots

 

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     Not A Horse Chariot But An Example Of Overloading A Conveyance 

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The Royal Yacht Britannia Onto Which The Prince Of Wales Invited Us For Many A Night Of Revelry

 

 

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Mr.Boondoggle’s Ex-Soviet Bomber Converted Into An International Playboy Conveyence

 

View comment on: Top 10 uses for "Going Rogue" / You have   found/run over a copy of Sarah Palin's "book." Now what? at 11/25/2009 8:11 PM PST

I hate it but I get mistaken for that low grade Fascist a lot. Appearance wise that is. If I give up these high heels and short skirts, I will probably be OK. If that doesn't work, I will make that phony Buddhist hand gesture "the Sign of the Cross" and scare them away with Santeria.

 

 

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Another View Before Removing All Those Extra Engines

 

 

 

 

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All The Engines On Top Of The Wing Were Removed They Were Not Needed When All The Cannons Were Taken Off

 

 

 

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This Is The Restoration With The Correct Engines Warming Up

Mr.Boondoggle Is Fifth From Right

 

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Finally Under Way With Six Engines On Front And One In Rear

 

 

Honey, you just ignore all those critics! After all if there were no actors, critics would have to get normal jobs like everyone else! This has happened to me many times in my ad campaigns for Calvin too! He and I agreed...sometimes a person (such as myself) can be .."Just too sexy!" You know, like the song! So remember to sing "I gotta be me..." and all those fuddy duddies will fade away while you and I will live on stuck to some lad's wall and being worshiped.

 

 

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An Interior Shot With The Seats Configured For Flying

 

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A View Out The Side Over The Wing. The Visibility Is Better With Those Engines Off The Wing

 

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An Old Photo Of The Bomber

 

 

 

 

Argentina Photos Below

 

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The  Priests And Their Soldier Friends Waving Goodbye As We Flew Away From Argentina

 

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Those Wacky Priests In Argentina

 

 

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Mr.Boondoggle Posed As A Medieval Gentleman Getting A Light Wiener Rub

The Printmaker Kindly Gave Us A Print

Herve Villechaize Posed As The Short Chappie On The Right

Grandpa Posed As The Old Geezer In The Background

I Blush When I Admit The Lass Giving The Light Wiener Rub Is Me!

 

 

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Mr.Boondoggle Modeling Again!

His Large Tool Filled Out The Codpiece Nicely

It Had To Be Chrome Plated To Prevent Rust

 

 

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If Those Argentinean Nuns Saw A Fly On One Of The Sisters They Would Smack It With A Ruler

 

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Those Priests Were Always Waving To The Soldiers!

 

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The Nuns Had a Manual On How To Punish Naughty Girls

 

When I see that bumper sticker "Sit on a Happy Face" it reminds me of the tragedy which befell my first husband on our wedding night!

 

Did we ever find out who shot J.R.?

 

Sorry, I've been gone. I was being harrased for working in an exercise spa claiming to be Jane Fonda. (Since we are almost like twins.) Old man Boondoggle bolted out the back door and didn't warn me the heat was coming in the front. I felt almost naked because of my spandex accouterment hanging around waiting for someone to throw bail. Many wolf whistles were forthcoming from convicts in the place. It reminded me of when my inventory of sex vids of me were found,(still available for a nominal fee with special Christmas bow).

 

I sort of miss being a porn star. All that fun!!! And getting paid for it!! If it had not been for Mr Boondoggle's illness, (caused by plastic polution) I'd probably still be out there! In closing I would admonish you..."Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!"

 

View comment on: Martinez native accused of dressing up as hero at 11/13/2009 11:24 AM PST

Mr Boondoggle went as "Aqualung". Chicks liked it.

 

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 Momo Being Beautiful

I can tell you are making fun of me Mr. Scribe, but I made my art film before I added a couple of pounds. In order to appreciate my work, you have to be familiar with the "girdle"genre. I am also including a free cup with my likeness emblazoned on one side.

Old man Boondoggle was a strapping fellow. (In fact he strapped my bottom till it turned pink, fairly often) but really, his downfall was when they tried to chivvy my foundry property away from me, so a swine could re-sell the desirable real estate. The old geezer dropped by Keith Richards' Louis Vuitton bag and Rehab Center, where Nick Nolte was having his coiffure re-done by Pierre Le Bangue, the latest stylist known for "styling by hand grenade". It was downhill after that. The first symptoms were easy to discern. The spider webs forming on him as he sat around. The aviator sunglasses, the bongo drums. The last straw was the Miles Davis on CD anthology. I knew he had gone over to the dark side then. The beret was a bit over the top but I knew he was clutching at straws, seeking some string or clue back to his normal life, which he had modeled after the bad guy who was having Kim Novak followed by "Scotty" in "Vertigo

View comment on: Ex-Miss California admits to making sex tape at 11/12/2009 11:45 AM PST

In passing (out) since we are on classic literature (see "Henry and June"!) ,..... I hope if I get re-incarnated as a literary figure, I will be born again as "Candy Christian" Terry Southern's character!

View comment on: Ex-Miss California admits to making sex tape at 11/12/2009 11:45 AM PST

In passing (out) since we are on classic literature (see "Henry and June"!) ,..... I hope if I get re-incarnated as a literary figure, I will be born again as "Candy Christian" Terry Southern's character!

My friends have to go, one of the scimitars flew off a wheel hub and impaled an innocent passer by. I have to seek counsel at my earliest convenience (with all deliberate speed).

Scoutiout, your horse is so cute I would like to borrow it some day and hook it up to my love chariot. That would only be occasionally .(when the pony boys are resting up). I and two other babes who post on here will be driving around looking for a particular fellow who got me thrown in stir on a trumped up charge. When we find him, justice will be visited on his dismal soul! Mr. Boondoggle will be following us with a motorcycle-sidecar rig. That dog Momo will be in the sidecar. The chariot will be equipped with scimitars attached to the wheel hubs so it will look like Ben Hur's! Very stylish in other words

Friends, when I starred in my sex tape, I had to have bits of string attached to my lusty parts so I could find them. But if you need a sex tape, there are a few of mine still left. (with the special hand written note) It's almost indistinguishable from Miss Pretens'. It's when I came up with the phrase "don't hate me because I'm beautiful" which was then used by an ad agency to promote some kind of war paint. (they didn't even give me a slice off the net!).

 

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Mr.Boondoggle Was Always In Demand For Modeling

My dear friends, I feel that I must go to the embroiderers and have a big scarlet "A" put on my (large) bosom to proclaim that I too am a fallen woman. But it is only because when I look at Miss Prealeen's photo I see almost a "reflection of myself", that gave me the courage to tell of my shame and allow you all a special holiday discount on my own lurid art movie. When you walk away from your TV after seeing me and Mr. Boondoggle, the thought permeating your consciousness will be... "lots of people talking, so few of them know...soul of a woman...was created for love"

I am so ashamed! I was in a sex film once. I have a few copies left and they are for sale on eBay. If you leave a message on my home page, you can get one in time for Christmas, with a special hand written note from me. Plus a lip print. There's a wallet size photo you can copy off my home page too should you so desire. ooxx "B"

(sob!) That's all my life has been, cheap sex with unsavory characters! No wonder Mr. Boondoggle ran off with the pony boys. Now that I'm out of stir, I'm going to do everything I can to be his only girl! If you see him tell him I'm at the foundry by the shipyards evicting squatters, and dusting off the love toys.

Give the girl a break! Alanis Morissette said it's good to wake up with a strange hot dog in your bun once in a while! It whets the appetite and keeps a little mystery in your life, keeps life from being boring!

Dear sub! Hey girlie, the only way I could see having someone's nose in my private parts would be if I managed to travel in time, and land on Cyrano de Bergerac's face!

View comment on: Maine voters overturn legal same-sex marriage at 11/5/2009 5:30 PM PST

Gentlemen and occasionally ladies, I am a fat (but attractive woman). It is my intention to reach new depths of depravity at my earliest convenience. I have just been released from jail in a backward land where "lustfull intention" was not considered a "mitigating factor" in reducing my sentance for debauchery. It is also my intention to try to make up for lost time. So be advised, population in general if you are 18 or older.Hah!

New Mr.Boondoggle Poem

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This is his second poem and his virtual reson d'etre.           

“Nevah Flog De Mule”

"Nevah flog de mule to go fastah,

Not if you wants to be a Rasta.

Cuz you goin' to get dere eventually,

Even if it take till de next century."

Additional Mr.Boondoggle Information

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Friends, as you know some people go out of their way to find even everyday things offensive for pitys sake! Mr. Boondoggle has become a Rasta, as I reported last night. He has already changed his first name to "Bob" to honor the fallen saint Bob Marley, the musician and seeker of civil rights for his people. In any case, these trips to Jamaica have cost quite a bit so he has become employed at an ad agency. He has had some luck as his work was selected by a client for use in their busines, which is a proctology clinic. Mr.Boondoggle made up this copy for their TV and print ads. The clinic name: Painless Anus Proctology....(catchy isn't it)....Then their slogan which is apt since nobody wants faulty surgery...."If You Have A Problem With Your Anus, You Know We Didn't Have A Hand In It" That's the corker! A good name and a slogan you will remember! What do you think?